Went to Winona and back Monday night
For what’s probably my last GTC show until the Fall orientation tour.
The school: St. Mary’s University.
The show: Another “Strange Like Me” (the diversity show)
We had our newly hired moderator in tow so he could observe.
He had many, many questions.

St. Mary’s theatre facilities impressed us,
And I don’t think we’ve ever been in a nicer green room on tour.
Sinking into the overstuffed sofa, I absent-mindedly fiddled with a stack of brochures on the coffee table.
After a moment, I noticed what they advertised:
St. Mary’s Arts & Cultural Management MA program
At their Twin Cities campus.
That’s Kat’s program.

A theatre student passing by poked her head in the door and started to say something to me,
Then realized that I wasn’t the particular theatre grad she thought I was.
It’s the hair and the glasses, she said.
I commented that I guess it’s a pretty common look,
Particularly among twenty-something white male actors.
Despite the fact that I wasn’t her friend,
She stuck around and chatted with us anyway.
She’d been painting a set next door.
Noting the brochure in my hand, she said, “Are you thinking about that program?”
I said, “Huh? Oh, no. It’s my ex-girlfriend’s program, actually.”
“Oh, so you’re just stalking her.”
“Exactly,” I said, letting the brochure fall back onto the coffee table.
I pretended to be offhanded and nonchalant about it,
Though I couldn’t stop looking at the brochure.
Acting!

The show was run-of-the-mill.
The crowd was a little subdued.
Admittedly, we were a little low-energy as well.
But all the elements were there.
After doing so many shows with Jen, it was jarring to perform with Amber again,
For the first time since August.
(Not in a bad way.)

…

We’re in the blocking stages of rehearsal for The Sign in Sidney Brustein’s Window.
It’s going well, but we lost an actor yesterday due to illness.
If you or anyone you know wants to play a conflicted, light-skinned black man, let me know.

…

Had my first day of shooting for The Spooner Sisters,
The feature-length horror movie I’m working on for JP Wenner.
It went as well as can be expected.
I’ll be happy to shoot interiors this weekend though.
This is no kinda weather in which to be standing around wearing a jean jacket.
Pretending that we’re dressed appropriately.
Pretending that it’s only in the 40s, instead of the single digits.
Acting!

…

Currently doing some brush-up rehearsal at NTC with Mike.
We’re bringing Mad About Money back to life for a two-day stint in Wisconsin next week.
Like riding a bike.
A loud, ridiculous bike.

…

As soon as Wisconsin’s done, I’ll start rehearsing at the Science Museum,
Which I’m pretty excited about.
The show’s called “The Value of Life,” and it accompanies “Deadly Medicine,”
An exhibit about the Holocaust and the “science” of eugenics.
I think I said all this already, but oh well.

The scene depicts a couple at home in Nazi Germany.
The woman expresses misgivings about what their country is doing.
The man desperately rationalizes it, maintaining the comfortable pretense
That their country is doing the right, moral thing, and that it’s for the good of Germany.
As I type this, I’m starting to wonder what makes me so castable as racists.

…

This Monday, I’ll start attending the “Actor’s Workout” with Raye Birk at the Guthrie.
I’ll admit it, I’m intimidated.
This class is just what I need.
Raye even said I’m perfect for the class. He used the word perfect.
And it’s perfect for me.
I’m still having visions that I’m not even going to have the chops or the brain power to deal with this class.
Hopefully, I can get past this feeling of being a fraud,
Being unskilled, a big pile of suck.
27 is way too old to be this green and helpless.
And maybe I can start elevating the caliber of the work I do.
At the risk of sounding simultaneously egotistical and self-loathing,
I feel like I have talent and tremendous potential,
But am incompetent when it comes to actualizing it.
I feel like I could be great, if I just knew what to do with myself.
Aptitude without skill.
If that makes sense.
Or without focus. Or specific knowledge.
Or maybe just without confidence.
I never did really learn how to do this Life thing.
At least maybe, in an acting class, I’ll learn how to simulate it.